There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How's work?
Spinning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
