Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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