Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
