Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
