She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
