Me too!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
