Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
