I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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