So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
