There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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