I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
