i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
