I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
