I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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