While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
