i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
