I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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