fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
