Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
