I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
