Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
