Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
