why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
