I will die if light touches me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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