Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
