Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
