I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
