cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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