I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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