it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
