there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
