wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
