No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
