we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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