You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
