He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
