just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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