I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
