Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
