Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
