WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
