you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
