i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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