this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
