I think im going to throw up on grandma
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
