Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
