I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
