Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im holly from the hills drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
