she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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