I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
